On Doing Vacations Well

What are some of your happiest memories from your childhood? Chances are they include vacations. Vacations are times when families stop their usual routines and go somewhere to spend quality time with each other. Vacations can come in so many different packages - about as varied as the people enjoying them! But sometimes vacations are times of conflict too. How do we do vacations well?

My husband and I have completely different goals for our vacations. Steve likes (and needs) to rest. He needs to get out of town but after that just give him a pool chair, a good book, and a chance to nap and he's a happy camper. Me... well, I am a do-er, an explorer, a go-getter. I hit a new place and I want to find out its history, go to its museums, discover the outdoors by hiking or biking. As you might guess, we've had a few arguments along the way, I'm ashamed to say.

After many years, we finally figured out how to do vacations well - so that both of us are getting what we need and want out of a vacation. I've learned to enjoy doing nothing ... it feels pretty good to just stop, rest, close my eyes, or read a book, paint, or simply talk and dream about the future. And after Steve has had a couple days of doing the turtle thing (you know... climb into his shell to recharge his batteries), he's ready to engage. He also enjoys the museums, the hiking and biking and exploring. I just need to be patient as well as to be willing to do things like shopping or swimming by myself. The kids were great company when they were growing up but they can't always go with us anymore.

The important thing is to take a vacation!! Stay within your budget and means but I highly recommend getting away once or twice a year to refresh your family, your marriage, your well-being.

And now for a refashion...

I like to collect shell pieces at the beach and turn them into necklaces or earrings. Here is one that I did:

I combined 3 shells here, and attached a crab trinket. First I carefully drilled holes through the shells with a dremel tool, and then hooked the jump rings so I could easily get a chain through. I also treated the shells by polishing them with wax.

Blessings!

The Power of a Parent

Wow - we parents have a lot of power. We may not really realize just how powerful we are when we're rearing children. Children are quite helpless when they're very young. They are at the whims of their parents, who have the capability to crush their spirits or hurt their bodies.

Wow - parenting is already a daunting task and I've just thrown a fast one that's sure to discourage the most capable and confident of parents! But really... how seriously do we take our role as parents?

I hope... VERY SERIOUSLY. Why is it, though, that people get serious about being trained in their education, their careers, their life skills like checkbooks, finances, driving cars, and even cooking but when do they (we) get trained in parenting?

This is why I think parents would be better equipped to train children when they are PROACTIVE. Plan ahead by reading books about the next stage of childhood, talk with seasoned parents, attend parenting classes at the hospital, your church, your community.

Finally, realize the negative behavior in your children can be changed. It is within the POWER OF A PARENT to correct bad behavior. So for example, if your child has picked up bad language or really any bad habit, use positive reinforcement to correct that. We would put out pennies for a child who was too busy to use the bathroom, and any time she would need to change her panties we took a penny away. At the end of the day she kept any remaining pennies. Very quickly she learned to pay better attention to herself!

Parenting is a humbling task that takes wisdom from the Lord. I prayed (and still do) for wisdom each day in raising my four lovies. I often prayed for creative solutions to problems. Changing behavior doesn't need to be frustrating, or seemingly impossible. Use the power the good Lord gave you to direct a child into making good choices! They need you to help them so much.

And now for a refashion...

Here's a pretty sleeveless that I've had for years... always was way too big for me.

Nothing like just taking the time to make it fit better. And of course a hem that is more up-to-date!

And for those of you interested in seeing my son with his birthday bow tie... here is that promised pic!

 If you missed the tutorial here it is:
bow tie tutorial

Blessings!

Bad Manners Night

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Training children to exhibit good behavior includes proper etiquette and manners. This is best done when the family is gathered around the dinner table. From an early age children can be taught to say please and thank you, put their napkins in their laps, chew and swallow before talking, etc. I'm a big proponent of eating dinner together. It's during dinnertime that families talk about their day and really connect with each other.  It's also the best time to reinforce table manners and etiquette. As the kids get older it's more difficult to guard that time, but it's so worth it.

Here's a crazy idea that we did a couple of times during dinner... that in a fun but crazy way we taught good manners. We had a dinner called, "Bad Manners Night". By allowing all rules to be broken we made a case for why manners were important in the first place. As you can imagine it was total anarchy. Feet were on the table, hands were in the rice bowl, burps were expelled, and of course it soon descended into a food fight. So be prepared for a mess!

Do you know which family dinner they remember best? Yep... Bad Manners Night. It was crazy fun, messy, but certainly got our point across.

And now for a refashion:

I found a ho-hum but very cozy sweater at Goodwill for about $4:

 I decided to experiment with making a cardigan. So I cut up though the middle, but a little off-center.

The I cut off the cuffs and sewed the cuffs together to make a long facing for one side of my cardigan, where I will place button holes.

I cut off the collar, zig-zagged the edges (which gave it a wavy curl), added buttonholes and buttons.

The buttons are vintage. I love buttons!!
Blessings.

Sibling Rivalry

There was no such thing as sibling rivalry in our house until child number two came along. I'll never forget one of their first battles - it was for my attention, of course. They were both sitting on my lap and trying to shove each other off! Even at such a young age (they were about 1 and 2) they were rivals.

Then child number three appeared in the picture. Child number two was four years old at the time, and had been the baby for that long. Now this new baby was taking her place. At one point as I was nursing the newborn, she came into my room to declare, "You know, Mommy, sometimes I like the new baby and sometimes I don't!" I was caught off guard and wasn't sure what to say as she turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

As the kids grew older there were arguments over toys, space, cleaning up, and what was or wasn't fair. Oh how I wished there was a secret formula to avoid such arguments but certainly working through them built character (including mine).

Getting along with family members is a crucial stage of development. All of us let our hair down when we're with family - we say things and do things we wouldn't dream of if we were with friends. Yet dealing with anger, selfishness, our words, etc. prepares us for getting along with classmates, teachers, coworkers, relatives, friends, neighbors, the cashier at the grocery store, and of course, our future families. How sad it would be if our kids could get along with friends and outsiders but never learn to get along with the people they live with.

So here is a list of Dos and Don'ts in managing sibling rivalry:
Do make the rules clear ahead of time as much as possible.
Don't encourage tattle tales.
Do get to the root of the problem... which is likely their selfishness.
Don't try to avoid arguments by separating the kids. Force them to work it out.
Do ask, "Can you think of a way to work this out so you both are happy?
Do spend time with each individual child - taking just one out on a special date with just dad or mom.

I can testify that my kids get along great now. They enjoy being together and when they're far from each other they call or text or snapchat. It's such a blessing to witness!

And now for a refashion....

I found a boring ordinary sweatshirt and a textured sweater at Goodwill for about $8.

I cut up the sides and around the corner through the sleeves of the sweatshirt. Then I cut out triangles from the sides.

Next, I used the pattern to cut out triangles from the sweater. I sewed the textured triangles pieces into the sweatshirt.

I cut rectangles to make new cuffs for my sweatshirt. Then I cut off the ribbed neckline, as well as the triangle near the neckline. I added a triangle from the sweater to the triangle-hole I made.

I added a trim piece for the bottom of the sweatshirt.

                                                                Warm and fun!

Blessings!

On Anger and Bow Ties

Anger is a natural response when one feels offended or hurt. Most people might even agree that your anger over an offense is justified. But something that is natural, or even justified by others isn't necessarily righteous.

I'm going to say something drastic. There is NOTHING in this world that justifies our human response of anger.

Human anger is a result of the Fall - when Adam chose to sin against God in the Garden of Eden, the feeling of anger crept into our hearts. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent.The serpent wanted to blame God, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree... or you will die?'" It was as though God's rule wasn't good to begin with.

Anger is a very real emotion. Even Jesus expressed anger when he saw the moneychangers and merchants selling in the temple. But the difference between Jesus' anger and our anger is that Jesus was pure. A holy God can be justified in his holy anger. We may feel anger but really... have we also not committed like sin against others? Do we really have the right to be angry with someone else when we ourselves have been equally heinous? If we are totally pure and righteous ourselves then we can be angry about sins committed against us.  But who among us is without sin?

And so, anger is an emotion that we should strive to keep under control and especially when we're dealing with our children. Children will do things that will test your limits. Will you be angry when milk is spilled, when they don't listen to your repeated commands, when they talk back? And what will you do when anger wells up? Will you strike? Will you kick a toy? Will you yell? I'm certain your knee-jerk response is connected to how anger was expressed in your family of origin.

So how do you respond righteously when the feeling inside is far from righteous? The first thing to do is to turn to the Lord and ask for help in self-control. Then give yourself some space - perhaps walk out and take a deep breath before you respond. Remind yourself that you were once a child who probably did the exact thing to your own parents. Ask God for wisdom for a creative response. The more you practice self-control the easier it is the next time. You will be breaking the generational cycle of anger. Your children will learn respect, self-control, and forgiveness.

And now for a refashion...
For about $1 my daughter found this huge oddly colored tie probably from the eighties. She thought her brother would like it. But it was threadbare, and like I said, huge and oddly colored. Usually she is so in tune to current fashion so I wondered what she saw in this tie that she thought her brother would like.

Then I realized what it was. When I looked closely I saw the heiroglyphics. Her brother is an archaeologist. Yes he would love the heiroglyphics. But the tie???

So then I took the tie apart and saw the inside. The design was the same but the color was less obnoxious.  I could make a bow tie with the inside! My daughter loved that idea.

So I used a bow tie pattern and eked out four pieces from the tie, plus four from interfacing. I ironed the interfacing onto each piece. There are 2 pieces of a bow tie, so they each needed a front and a back. You sew them right sides together, leaving an opening to turn them right side out, iron flat, and then sew up the opening.

And here is the finished product. I sewed velcro on the ends so when my son puts it around his neck to tie, he'll connect the pieces with the velcro. That way he only has to tie it once and he can disconnect it by pulling apart the velcro, instead of totally untying it. Happy Birthday Ben! When he sends me a picture of it on himself, I'll be sure to post it.

Blessings!

Birthdays

All of us have heard of extreme birthdays... the child who turns one and a wedding-like reception is given in his/her honor.  Thousands of dollars are spent. Of course it's more for the parents than the one-year-old, because I guarantee you .. the one-year-old does not care nor will remember the celebration.

Then there's the other extreme - celebrating a birthday a month later, or not at all. So what is a reasonable way to celebrate a milestone?
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I've always loved birthdays. Perhaps because my own family always celebrated my birthday, it helped me feel special, I've wanted to do the same for my kids. Somehow that specialness seemed diminished if celebrated on a day other than the child's actual birthday - so we always did something on the actual date.

In our house, a birthday began with "birthday breakfast". We would have a special breakfast and the person of honor sat in the designated birthday seat, which has been all dolled up with balloons and ribbons. Presents are piled nearby.

Then in the afternoon/ evening we would invite their friends for a party. Now a word about parties.

Speaking from the experience of doing it wrong on a few occasions, don't go overboard. You'll be totally stressed out and snap at the birthday girl and she'll be in tears. That kinda defeats the purpose of the "happy" in the "happy birthday".

Use the KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Stupid). Only invite a couple or just a few friends. I've heard that a good rule of thumb is one guest per year old of the birthday child. That still seemed too many to me. Anyway, too many kids will push you overboard into the land of craziness.

A good party only lasts about 1-1/2 hours - maybe 2 hours when the birthday boy is turning 10 or older. In that time period you can have a few games, open presents, and eat cake. My parties generally were themed. So a Barbie party meant inviting little girls and their Barbies too for "tea". There would be a Barbie cake and Barbie games like pin the Shoe on the Barbie. Or a Big Cats party where the invitees dressed as tigers and lions and hit a tiger pinata. Sometimes we'd have destination parties when they were older such as at the bowling alley or the miniature golf course but that would be more expensive so we didn't too that very often.

The goal is to help the child feel special. The goal is not to make yourself poor and stressed. You can do a lot with a little. Blessings!

And now for a refashion:

I  had this shirt that was way too big for me and made me look dumpy so I dyed it a nicer shade of blue, shortened the sleeves, cut off the bottom and put on a little lace.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I have a penchant for buttons so I replaced all the buttons with mismatched colors. Much more fun!
--Blessings!

The Picky Eater

Do you have a picky eater at your house? I did. I remember being very worried about him. When he was a toddler he seemed to not be interested in eating much. I'd offer him food and he'd play around and put just  little of it in his mouth. I was certain he was going to get sick or worse, shrivel to a size that would make him look like he should be on a poster with the words, "Send your dollars here."

Then in a timely moment I read an article by a renowned pediatrician at the time, Dr. William Sears, who wrote that if all your toddler eats is a hard boiled egg, a piece of bread, a little juice, and a multi-vitamin every day he will survive.

What a relief! I could at least get that much in him! And he was right - Ben did survive childhood and entered the middle school years with the typical bottomless pit for a stomach.

So, after raising four children with various appetites, allergies, sensitivities, etc. I've learned a few things and would like to pass on some dos and don'ts concerning children and food.

DO NOT become a restaurant by taking orders and making special food for your picky eater. Your child should be offered what everyone else is eating (unless he's allergic to it, of course). If he refuses to eat it, he does not get dessert. He sits at the table quietly until everyone is done and if he hasn't eaten enough, put his food in the refrigerator and when he is hungry later THAT is what he can eat.

DO introduce your young children to a variety of vegetables, fruits and meats. The wider the palette the less of a complainer you'll have.

DO make meal times pleasant times. There should be lively conversation with the whole family. Children who eat alone of course will act up and refuse to eat. They want to get down and be with the rest of the family! I've said it before and I'll say it again... dinner absolutely should be sacred family time!

DO be creative with your food! You can totally make sandwiches into faces by placing carrots on top of bologna  as a mouth, cherries for eyes, chips for hair. Pretend to be giants eating trees when there is broccoli on the plate!

DO NOT use food as punishment. Never say a child can eat or not eat when they've misbehaved. Time outs are way more effective. However, keeping desserts from children is an okay punishment and granting desserts to well behaved, obedient children who have eaten most of their dinner, is fine.

DO NOT expect your children to lick their plates clean. I personally do not think children should have to eat everything on their plate. I do think they can be taught to only take what they think they can eat, and to be encouraged to not waste food. Children should always take a "no thank you" bite of food they think they won't like. Often they discover they like it! And if they don't, they don't have to finish but they should simply and politely say they don't like it but thank you for offering.

DO NOT put up with complaints. Under no circumstances should children complain. If they complain freely to you then they will complain to grandparents, friends, teachers, restaurants, etc. Instead, aim to raise children with hearts of gratitude. And a big strategy for getting there is to say grace, a prayer to the Heavenly Father, who gives us many blessings including good food and good health.

Lastly, I would suggest including your children in food preparation. You can tell them what each ingredient does. They can chop vegetables, mix dough, place food on platters, etc. We always had a garden and the kids enjoyed pulling beets, digging potatoes, picking peas, etc. And when they were old enough they loved having their own corner of the garden to plant. Have fun!

And now for a refashion...

I hung on to another puffy sleeved dress from the early nineties that my mother had sewn for me. But twenty five years is a long time to hang on to a dress that's been out of style for a decade or two.

A refashion is in order!  I decided to cut off the bottom and make a skirt.

I folded down the waist to make a waistband, pinned it and sewed it right up. I had removed the zipper added 2 snaps for closure. I shortened the hem slightly.

And here's the finished look. Done in one morning before I left for work.
Blessings!